Feeling good

Today, surprisingly I am feeling great. I have a positive outlook and I want to see how long it lasts. I am trying something different. Usually, I take my anxiety medication at bedtime, but I have started taking it in the morning this week. I felt good yesterday and today I feel great. It is late day at work, so I got to snuggle with Ramsey in bed this morning for an hour. It was amazing. My little girl is getting so big! This morning she rolled over three times. I am so proud of her. Tomorrow we have her 4 month check up. I always look forward to these appointments. I use them as an anti-anxiety tool. The anxiety builds up until the appointment, and when I finally get into the ped room I know she will calm my nerves and make feel better. I feel so much better when Ramsey is fully looked over and I know she is healthy. I hope tomorrow we have a wonderful appointment and all is well with my little biscuit.

Since, SIDS is something that is very troublesome to be that is what todays post is going to be directed at.

Monday night Craig and I were watching the news and we heard about another co-sleeping death. To me co-sleeping with a resposible adult is okay. I sleep with Ramsey at times. Usually in the mornings on the weekends I will bring her into bed with me and we will sleep in and snuggle. Well, for some reason this specific infant and mothers name stuck with me. When I got into work Tuesday morning I looked up the name in our data base and sure enough it was one of my patients. It was a patient I had just seen the previous week. I was heart broken. This poor mother lost a child to co-sleeping. Now, if I could go into details of the family, the death would most likely make a little more sense, but since I can not do that I will leave it at this. I am heart broken for this innocent life that was lost. I am heart broken for a mother who thought she was doing right. And, I am heart broken for the three other children who lost a baby sister. Please say a prayer for baby Malone. Here is the article if you would like to read it. http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/95281234.html

For some reason, I am always terrified of something happening to Ramsey in her sleep. We have an angel care monitor on her bassinett and crib. It is a small piece of plastic that goes under the mattress pad. If she were to stop breathing for longer than 10 seconds an alarm will go off. This thing is amazing. A few times in the middle of the night I forgot to turn it off when I took her out of the bassinett for a feeding. Within ten seconds the alarm was blarring. This technology makes me feel so much better at night time. I think the whole fear of her stopping breathing in her sleep comes from the scare we had in the hopsital. Her birth was the best and worst day of my life.

Ramsey was just about 12 hours old. Craig was going to run to Qdoba to get something for dinner since the hospital food was terrible. My parents and Craigs parents had just left. I was changing her diaper in her bassinett in our room. I had just bent down, (which mind you took about 10 minutes with all the stitches I had, okay probably 10 seconds.... but you get my exaggeration) to grab a clean diaper. When I came back up and looked at my beautiful baby she was blue and gasping for air. Her body went limp. I pushed the call button immediately, and grabbed her. I went running out into the hall way screaming at the top of my lungs, "my babies not breathing!" The nurses from the nurses station (all of them, 5 to be exact) came running down the hall as fast as they could and grabbed Ramsey. They ran her into the nursery and were able to get her to breathe again. I was sobbing and crying for my husband. I was able to call him to come back immediately from the NICU. Craig came running back to our floor and was finally with me. Ramsey was finally breathing a little better. They had suctioned out her nose and lungs. She had tubes down her throat to clear our all the mucus. Apparently, what had happened was I had "to fast of a delivery" When a baby is in the birth canal they have time to have all the mucus and water squeezed out of their lungs. Ramsey was not in the birth canal long enough for this to happen. She came out to fast and still had a lot of mucus and water in her lungs. She ended up choking on it which caused her to not breathe. It was the scariest thing I have ever had to go through in my life. I think that is where a lot of my anxiety with her has come from.