Set me free

(Matthew 6:34) "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Hello, and welcome! My name is Chassidy and I am starting this blog for myself and others. But, more for myself. I am a self professed God loving and fearing person. I live each day with a smile on my face and love in my heart. I am a daughter, sister, wife and most importantly a mother. I hope to help my self with anxiety and OCD through this blog. I promise to over share, and overcome my fears. This is a promise.

Here is a picture of my beautiful daughter, Ramsey Monroe. Ramsey was born January 31st of this year. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love being a mommy. It brings love and joy to my life each and every day. Some say she looks like her daddy, and other swear she is a spitting image of me. She is constantly changing, so who can really tell. She has the personality of both of us.

I had fear on a daily basis before Ramsey was born. Now, that she is here, it seems to be getting worse. Not a day goes by that I do not have a fear over something. My husband says that I look for things to be afraid of. This may be true, but it is something I can not help. The fear of life is always over my shoulder. To most people, I come off as a happy go lucky person. Inside, I am dark. My mind seems to be going a millions miles a minute. I can’t concentrate, I am always thinking of the worst. You may be asking yourself, why has this girl not seeked help. Rest assured, I have. Did it help? Negative. I have seen a counselor on more than 1 occasion, and it made my feelings worse. They wanted to keep me medicated, and coming back to talk. The talks always made my feelings worse. I remember the third time I went and spoke with the counselor, I cried my eyes out all the way home. Once, I was home I didn’t remember driving at all. It was horrible. I had overwhelming anxiety. I never went back.

As a child I remember living in fear over stupid things. I remember always fearing no one would pick me at gym to be on there team. Or, that I would miss the bus home from school. My parents always laughed at me when I came home from school because my backpack was so full. Little did they know that I never used my school locker. I was afraid of it. I was afraid that if I used to locker, I would forget a book, or an assignment. I was afraid that if I put my winter coat in my locker and had to get it after school, I would miss the bus. So, I stuffed my entire life into that backpack. All my school books and folders, along with gym clothes and winter jackets stuffed into one small jansport bag. This continued through out high school.


When it came time to go to college, I denied my acceptance to the college of my dreams due to fear. I was afraid of the large campus. I was than accepted to the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee, and yet again I denied it. I couldn’t bring myself to go. I ended up starting out at a small technical college that I could overcome my fears and walk through. Was this where my dreams would be accomplished? No, but I could attend college without fear. I went there for two years. It came time to pick my internship to get my AAA in social work, I declined because I didn’t want to go alone. I then decided that I could go to a larger college and get my BA. I reapplied to the Univerity of Wisconsin, and was accepted. I signed up for all of my classes, and was ready to start the following January term. The day came to start school, and I never went. I was afraid of parking. Yes, you read that right. I was terrified of parking and walking to the large campus. So, what did I decide to do. I went back to another technical college to get my degree in dietetics. This time, I finished my degree. It took me 6 years to get a 2 year degree out of fear. My family thought I was crazy for taking so long. Little did they know the things that were going through my mind.

I do not remember my life without fear. It seems sad to some people, but to be completely honest, I don’t know any different. Every day seems to be a different fear. For years I was afraid of my parents getting in a fatal car accident on there way to the cottage in Michigan. This was one of the reasons I went to counseling to begin with. I would cry every weekend when it came time for them to head there. They would have to call me every hour until they made it. Once they were there they had to let me know they made it safely. This continued for years. I seemed to have somehow put this fear behind me. Some other day, I will get into all my “other fears.”